


Asphyxiation

by Tsorin



Category: Tales of Xillia
Genre: Angst, Gen, Like so much angst, Not an incest fic but wouldn't you know it there wasn't any Gen tag for their relationship
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-01-24
Updated: 2017-01-24
Packaged: 2018-09-19 14:21:55
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 504
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9445208
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Tsorin/pseuds/Tsorin
Summary: He can’t breathe.They’re racing through the miasma, to save the world, to save Elle, and he can’t breathe.





	

**Author's Note:**

> I would apologize but I am so not sorry. I also have not, and will not, get over the Julius thing.

****He can’t breathe.

_I sure wish I could have eaten one last pasta margherita._

They’re racing through the miasma, to save the world, to save Elle, and he can’t breathe.

_Don’t worry about it. There are worse things than being dragged around by your brother. You’re the one that showed me that._

They told him, all of them, that he could cry. That it was okay to cry. But if he started, if he was given that chance to break, he would never be able to pull himself back together. And there was someone counting on him.

_Go on Ludger. Now it’s your turn to look after someone special._

To be honest, Elle is the only thing that is keeping him moving forward. If it weren’t for her, for her sake…

He feels it again, the sensation of his spear sliding through Julius’s ribs. The splatter of the blood on his face. His own screams. Of terror? Of horror?

Julius’s humming. His smile. The weight of his body as Ludger cradles it one last time.

He falters, stumbles, almost falls. But Jude is there to catch him.

“Are you okay?” Jude asks. “Need a break?”

Is he okay? Is he _okay?_ His brother just died. Or no, that’s not quite it.

He just killed his brother.

He just… And Jude is asking if he’s _okay?_

Jude seems to realize the absurdness of the question he just asked, or maybe there is something in Ludger’s face, because he flinches back. Ahead of them, Milla and Gaius pause, wait.

Ludger can feel all of their eyes on him, and it stretches something almost to the breaking point. But not quite. Because if that thing snapped…

Ludger doesn’t know what will happen if that thing snaps. He’s afraid to find out. It had almost happened, before, when Julius asked Ludger to kill him.

(What would have happened, if it had snapped then? Ludger wonders. But Elle, sweet, innocent Elle, had filled his mind and he had pulled it back. Even so. He wonders.)

He pauses. Thinks of Elle. Tries to breathe.

It catches in his throat and he chokes on it. On the words that he wanted to say. On the blame he could have cast. What would be the point? Julius is… And nothing will bring him back. Nothing.

“Ludger?”

“I’m fine,” he gets out. Jude offers his hand again, and Ludger takes it. Stands up. Jude’s hand lingers a few seconds longer than it needs to. Jude gives Ludger’s hand a quick squeeze before letting go.

“We’re getting close,” Milla says.

Gaius doesn’t say anything.

_Go and create your perfect world._

Ludger pushes away all thoughts of Julius. He fills his mind with Elle, with her love and her goodness and her sweet laugh. He uses it to pull him forward. He’ll deal with the rest later. If there is a later.

They run again. Ludger runs and runs and prays that Elle will still be okay. He doesn’t look back, and he doesn’t breathe.


End file.
